Confidential memo to Perez Hilton and Joe the Plumber:

Gentlemen (and I use the word loosely), your respective fame clocks have reached 14 minutes, 59 seconds.

Why don’t you give the rest of us a break by both of you agreeing to shut your pie-holes a little early?

Pretty please? With sugar on it?

As you are no doubt aware by now, Hilton — whose principal claim to fame is operating a celebrity-gossip Web site featuring tabloid photos to which he has added his own crude doodles — has been in the headlines as a result of his stint as a judge in last month’s Miss USA pageant in Las Vegas.

Hilton, an out-and-proud gay man, asked Miss California Carrie Prejean during the Q&A; portion of the pageant whether she thought all states should legalize same-sex marriage. Prejean responded that because of her Christian upbringing and beliefs, she did not.

After the pageant, Hilton, aka Mario Lavandeira, made derogatory comments about Prejean to the media and implied that her answer to his question had cost her the pageant crown.

For the record, even though I don’t happen to agree with Ms. Prejean, I give her credit for speaking her mind.

I’m also wondering why pageant officials ever thought it would be a good idea to have Hilton as a judge. Seems to me that’s a bit like asking a blind man to judge an art exhibit, if you know what I mean.

I do tend to think Hilton’s claim that Prejean lost the pageant because of her views on gay marriage is dubious at best. And, I can’t say she’s behaved perfectly, either. Just like Hilton, she has played the controversy for maximum exposure.

Speaking of exposure, as of this writing, Prejean was in danger of having her Miss California USA title yanked because of racy photos of her that have surfaced on the Internet in the wake of the pageant controversy.

Some have accused Prejean of hypocrisy, given the fact that she posed willingly for those photos and that she underwent breast augmentation surgery prior to the Miss USA pageant. Me, I won’t go there.

And that brings us to Joe the Plumber, who isn’t actually a licensed plumber but who achieved instant-celebrity status last year when Republican presidential candidate John McCain mentioned him in campaign speeches.

In a magazine interview, Joe, aka Samuel Wurzelbacher, referred to gay people as “queer” and said he won’t allow them near his children.

However, Wurzelbacher did say he believes the decision about whether to allow same-sex unions should be left up to the states.

Like Prejean, Wurzelbacher is certainly entitled to his views, just as I am to mine.

And mine is that the guy’s a Neanderthal and a has-been who’s trying to extend his 15 minutes by making intentionally outrageous and provocative statements.

Actually, though, what I found more surprising than Wurzelbacher’s comments was that there was actually a publication that still had interest in interviewing him.

I hope he enjoyed it.

One suspects that if it ever happens to him again, it will be for something that has “Where are They Now?” in the title.

KENNETH HART can be reached at khart@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2654.