With my tongue planted firmly in my cheek, I suggested nearly a decade ago a sure way for the U.S. Census Bureau to get more Americans to voluntarily mail in their completed census forms.

To no one’s surprise — especially mine — the Census Bureau completely ignored my idea, but that doesn’t mean it was a bad idea that would not have worked.

Thus, here we are approaching another nationwide nose count with the Census Bureau again fretting that thousands and thousands living within our borders will not bother to fill out the forms they will be receiving in the mail in about another month.

There are a number of reasons for this.

Some people — illegal immigrants, fugitives from justice, etc. — don’t fill out the forms out of fear the information will be used against them and lead to either a loss of their freedom or deportation.

Others don’t think it is any of Uncle Sam’s business how many people are living in their household and what the average household income is. They particularly don’t think the federal government needs to know how many bathrooms they have in their residence.

Some distrust the federal government and refuse to cooperate with it in any way.

Others lay the census form aside when it first arrives with good intentions of filling it out when they have a little more time. The problem is they never get around to it.

However, an accurate count is important. On the federal level, the census helps determine just how many members of the U.S. House of Representatives each state has.

For example, as a result of the 1990 Census, the number of House districts in Kentucky dropped from seven to six. That may not sound like much, but that’s one less member of Congress working to make sure Kentucky gets its share of the federal pork pie.

The census also is used to determine the boundaries for House and Senate districts in the Kentucky General Assembly.

An accurate count is just as important to local governments. An undercount can result in a community’s loss of millions of dollars in federal aid over the next decade. An accurate count can help local leaders determine a community’s greatest needs.

For these and other reasons, the Census Bureau and local governments again are gearing up for extensive advertising campaigns to encourage people to return their census questionnaires.

That’s all well and good, but if they really wanted to get more people to return those forms, they would turn the census into one giant, nationwide sweepstakes. The was my humble proposal in 1990, and I repeat it now, although it is too late to implement for this year’s count.

Let’s face it, the only real incentive people now have for taking the time to fill out and return the census forms is a sense of civic duty, but far more people are motivated by greed than civic duty. Turn the census into a chance to win millions of dollars and people will be rushing to their mailboxes to return those completed questionnaires.

I haven’t seen this year’s census forms, but based on past counts, they will be rather drab looking and will be greeted with all the excitement one feels when receiving the newest form from the Internal Revenue Service.

Suppose the forms included a picture of a famous celebrity with the words, “You may already have won millions of dollars!” imprinted on it?

Then, instead of laying the form aside, people from New York to Hawaii would eagerly rip it open to see just what they have to do to claim their fortune.

That’s when they would learn that accurately filling out the form and returning it by April 1 will automatically make them eligible for the Giant U.S. Census Sweepstakes! The first prize could be something like $5 million, with a $1 million second prize, with something like a million consolation prizes of $10 each.

Sure, all this would cost the Census Bureau money, but I bet the number of forms it would cause to be returned would actually save the bureau more money than it now spends hiring people to find those who didn’t return those forms.

I know that some would say the sweepstakes would turn the census into a giant gambling operation, but what would people be risking? This would be a sweepstakes that costs nothing to enter. And besides, with all the state lotteries, the government already is heavily involved in promoting gambling.

Ed McMahon has gone on to his eternal reward, so he’s not available to be the spokesperson for the Great U.S. Census Sweepstakes, but I’m sure that sometime in the next decade the perfect spokesperson for the 2020 Great U.S. Census Sweepstakes can be selected and all the details of the contest can be worked out.

This is the last time I will make this suggestion. I’m an old man, and if I am still around in 2020, I will be retired and no longer writing this column. Thus, it will be up to someone else to become the leading advocate for this rather hopeless cause. I seriously doubt that anyone will.

JOHN CANNON can be reached at jcannon@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2649.