Mike Reliford: 2/4/10

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February 3, 2010

Anonymous The Daily Independent Wed Feb 03, 2010, 10:27 PM EST

To keep Walree out of a room, I created Big Red, and so far it’s worked. But then, why shouldn’t it. Walree is my 4-year-old grandson while Big Red is a 7-foot green lizard-skinned monster with one big red eye in the middle of his forehead and — ta da! — he lives in THAT room.

The scam has even had sounds and sights that keep Walree wondering if this is all real or if it’s just Poppaw gone nuts.

Now, before you reach for the telephone to report me to the child welfare people, please know that Walree loves all of this. When he talks to me on the telephone, the first thing he wants to know is about Big Red.

Walree loves “scary stuff.” His favorite ride at Camden Park is the Haunted House. He wants to ride it over and over and over and ... You get the picture.

And the thing is, it actually scares him ... but he laughs at it.

Before you start thinking my grandkid is kinda weird, first consider this ... a lot of us like being scared. To know that, all you have to do is check out how many horror movies are made and the big bucks they drag through the turnstiles.

Secretly, we all occasionally like a good fright flick. Remember when we were kids and argued with our parents to stay up late on Saturday nights to watch “Chiller.”

I was a real “scaredy cat” when I was little, especially of the dark.

One night, after the family got home from Huntington, I realized I had left my new comic book in the car. Dad had already gone to bed and Mom told me to go on out to the garage and get it myself.

I did. But it wasn’t without an ordeal.

On the way to the garage, when I was totally out of the light from the house window, was when it hit me: FEAR! Fear, in the form of a pounding chest and a greasy gut.

I just knew there was something out there in the shadows, the dark. And it wanted me.

I got a respite when I opened the garage door and clicked on the light. I got my treasured new comic book out of the car, and went to the garage door.

That’s when “genius” mode hit me. I would leave the garage door open with the light on. That left just a small patch of darkness from the garage light to the house light, a small patch of darkness full of horrifying creatures of the night, creatures that ate little children.

The plan worked, and I was feeling a little smug about how smart I was.

Mom was cleaning up the kitchen, my brother was off doing something, Dad was asleep, and I was knee-deep into a Red Ryder adventure. I was about to turn the page when I heard, from the kitchen:

“Michael David, you left the garage light on. Get out there right now and turn it off, and don’t forget to shut the door.”

It was a terrifying trip.

From then on I spent my life trying to embrace the night. And I finally got to where I could go anywhere in the black of night, or sit alone in the dark to reflect. The dark became so comfortable that other people noticed.

I know this because in every little debate Wife and I have she is always loudly proclaiming that I’m in the dark. Not every man gets that kind of praise for his efforts.

MIKE RELIFORD can be reached at (606)326-2647 or mreliford@dailyindependent.com

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