CARRIE STAMBAUGH: Ringing out the year 12/4/09

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December 4, 2009

Anonymous The Daily Independent Fri Dec 04, 2009, 08:22 AM EST

We’ve made it to December. Just a little less than a month to go before this year rolls over into the next.

Whew.

While I am looking forward to the rest of December and all the holiday traditions it’s choked full of, I’m honestly just relieved that 2009 is finally coming to a close.

I know I will enjoy the holidays — who doesn’t like gorging on the treats, going to Christmas parties and unwrapping gifts?

This year, though, I know my joy will be heightened just knowing that each and every ritual I complete is part of the progression to the end of the year.

I’m so desperate for 2010, I’ve even welcomed the self-imposed, artificial stress the season brings as my to-do list swells with gifts to buy, cards to send, cookies to bake and trees to trim.

Each task is a welcome distraction from the other, more serious matters that have occupied the worry center of my brain over the last 11 months.

While I’m thankful for all that I’ve been blessed with in 2009, and I’ve had more than my share I’ll admit, the year has not been the most positive.

It’s been a relentless stream of some of the toughest personal battles and reeling disappointments I’ve ever come across. I look forward to leaving all of them in the dust of 2009.

Both sides of my family have suffered deeply this year with the unexpected deaths of beloved members whose absences are undeniable. An old friend also went home this year, unable to find peace in this world from his demons.

I’ve found the first year is always the hardest one after a loss. As time passes it seems to dull the pain and restores the good memories while fading the upsetting final ones.

I’m excited for 2010 to finally begin because I’m hopeful it will bring a fresh set of opportunities and new reasons to be joyful in all aspects of my life. I already know it will bring some very anticipated events.

One of my husband’s closest childhood friends and his wife will welcome their first child during 2010. Wedding bells may also ring for another special couple I know ...

A slate of college graduations will also finally arrive in 2010. I can’t wait to cheer as my mother and two of my sisters cross the commencement stage. All three have worked incredibly hard for their degrees and it’s time they celebrate instead of study.

Then there are all the walks in the woods and canoe trips my husband and I are planning ...

I think I’m really just looking for an excuse to shake myself back into an elated, confident state of daily being.

I’ve been stuck in a self perpetuating negative pity party rut for most of 2009 that, despite my best efforts, I’ve been unable to get out of.

Maybe just ringing in a new year is all I need.

Maybe just saying good-bye to an old, tired year while enthusiastically welcoming a new one, and all I could potentially become in it, will do the trick.

It’s at least worth a try.

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CARRIE STAMBAUGH: Ringing out the year 12/4/09

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