CATHIE SHAFFER: Every diet needs a dog

Columns

Discussion

December 8, 2009

Anonymous The Daily Independent Tue Dec 08, 2009, 12:49 PM EST

Pass the fudge on past me, please, and hide the pecan pie. I’ve chosen the month of December to kick off my renewed — and seemingly perpetual — campaign to skinny down like the folks on “Biggest Loser.”

I dream of being dragged off somewhere, being locked up in a kitchen with no “cheat” foods available and being placed at the mercy of a personal trainer who makes an Army drill sargeant seem like a marshmallow.

As long as I can take my dog. My cat could care less about my trials and travails as long as her dish is full and her kitty litter box is cleaned.

The dog, on the other hand, gives the appearance of really caring. She lays her head on the arm of my chair and looks at me with big, sympathetic eyes when I’m a little under the weather. When I’m feeling down, she tosses her toys at me. There’s nothing like a soft pink flamingo followed by a stuffed duck to chase the blues away.

Having become a woman of a certain age, I spend more time in doctor’s offices these days. Last week’s discovery was a problem with my ankles that can’t be reversed, but can be kept from getting worse if I loosen the load a little.

That pronouncement happened to coincide with a dearth of “bad for me” foods in my kitchen. My refrigerator is chock full of fruit, yogurt and lean meats, and my cupboards hold tons of veggies, with nary an ice cream bar or cupcake in sight.

Newly dedicated to the old cause of skinnying down, I made a good-sized pot of chicken vegetable soup. I planned my meals in advance, like all those diet gurus say you’re supposed to, and even began drinking plain old water instead of my beloved coffee with cream.

It’s been a week now, and I’m doing okay ... sort of.

Memories of the dark rum pecan pie I indulged in during my Thanksgiving visit to my mom haunt my dreams. I search through the cupboards during prime TV hours in the hopes of finding a forgotten bag of mini-marshmallows or chocolate chips.

I find myself sniffing the dog treats before I hand them over just for the bacon scent. I’ve even hunched over a cinnamon-vanilla candle hoping it would kill my yearning for a fat sugar cookie.

Still, I’m doing okay. Maybe it’s because this new decision to fly right and eat better happens to have coincided with my discovering TV advice shows hosted by doctors.

These doctors, all trim and fit, have tons of advice for those of us who aren’t. By watching them, I’ve learned the value of elderberry juice, the need to have my calcium levels checked, which foods naturally reduce stress levels and the best way to turn my body into a lean, mean, fat-burning machine.

Basically, it all seems to come down to those things I’ve heard for years:

Eat well. Sleep enough. Exercise plenty.

Which brings me back to my original conclusion: I need to be locked up in a fat camp with an evil personal trainer — and my ever-faithful dog who can easily be trained to sneak out with a five-dollar bill under her collar ... and bring back a couple of Moon Pies and a sweet tea if the going gets too rough.

Text Only

Columns

Katie Brandenburg: Finding the explorer spirit: 2/10/11
I say I like to explore, but really I’ve never done anything of the sort.

February 9, 2012
Mark Maynard: Charles will be in charge: 2/9/12
It was at least mildly interesting a couple of weeks ago when the deadline for filing for local elected offices came and went without much fanfare.

February 8, 2012
John Cannon: After passion, love still grows: 2/8/12
While a naive student at Morehead State University more than 40 years ago, my then girlfriend made me an offer I could not refuse. It was only later that I learned I should have refused it.

February 7, 2012
Cathie Shaffer: All that’s old is new again: 02/07/12
Every night before I go to bed, I click on my electric blanket. There’s nothing I like better on a cold — OK, lately, it’s been coolish — night than a nice, warm bed.

February 7, 2012
Tim Preston: Art downtown, ‘hippie’ soap, Valentine’s and living-dead machines: 02/05/12
I’m not certain this is anything that could be classified as a trend, although I have noticed something in downtown Ashland I am compelled to encourage.

February 6, 2012
Freeways to freedom
Last week, while driving to South Shore, I glanced at the dealer placard on the car ahead of me on the Jesse Stuart Bridge.

February 6, 2012
Lee Ward: 02/05/2012 — Dieting is a man's world
A male coworker is dieting, apparently for the first time.

February 5, 2012
Katie Brandenburg: Finding a time machine: 2/3/12
My grandmother once told me a story about a boy she grew up with who built a time machine in his family’s shed.

February 2, 2012
John Cannon: Not a chore but a true labor of love: 2/1/12
It was a slow and tedious task, but it was anything but work.

January 31, 2012
Cathie Shaffer: A whiff of the past: 1/31/12
It occurred to me, as I listened to a conversation about today’s home medical treatments versus yesterday’s, that one big factor is the smell.

January 31, 2012
More Columns Headlines

Columns

Search Results

Discussion

CATHIE SHAFFER: Every diet needs a dog

Site Map

Contact Us