LEE WARD: Something really has to give 1/10/10

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January 6, 2010

Anonymous The Daily Independent Wed Jan 06, 2010, 09:27 PM EST

No wonder people don’t know how to have relationships.

Statistics vary on the percentage of marriages that end in divorce, but many sources say half. The ones that don’t end in divorce aren’t perfect.

Of course, young people who are looking for a role model for relationships would see a movie that appeals to them and decide that’s the way relationships are supposed to be, no matter how unrealistic. Sometimes old people do that, too.

I’m not a romantic comedy fan, but on a cold, snowy Saturday, I didn’t have the motivation to do any housework. I wasn’t even motivated to turn the channel when the romantic comedy “Something’s Gotta Give” came on the channel my television was set to.

I watched most of the movie and was stunned at the misleading information. Maybe it’s exaggeration, maybe embellishment. I think, though, they are blatant lies about love.

“Something’s Gotta Give” isn’t unusual for a typical romantic comedy, so I’m going to generalize about that genre based on this movie.

Everyone in romantic comedies is well to do, at least. They have beach houses, they travel and they’re worldly. Most people have no beach house. In fact, we’re lucky if we get to go to the beach once a year. Forget worldly, since becoming worldly usually happens because you travel.

Most of us don’t have houses perfectly decorated with everything in place; these movie houses might have a few things out of place, but they are perfectly, casually out of place.

Most people in romantic comedies have romantic jobs that don’t require any real work on a day-to-day basis. They are free to indulge in complicated life scenarios that are the bases for romantic comedies. How convenient.

Most dates don’t involve a couple dressed in white long sleeves and pants, no less — carrying wine and cheese to the beach in a wicker basket. The date usually doesn’t end with being run indoors by a thunderstorm to find the power off and being forced to light candles. What a load of something.

I realize we are talking about a movie. Everyone has to be well to do because the audience wants to look at beautiful houses and scenery, not a shack in a coal town. The characters also must have jobs that earn a lot of money, just to give a little believablity to their lifestyles. Plus, they have to have jobs they can neglect so they can participate in the plot, which is what the audience presumably cares about. And maybe well-to-do people with lots of free time really do wear all white on dates to the beach with upscale food in a real, wicker picnic basket. I wouldn’t know. Historically, my dates involved bars and bowling alleys and getting a fast-food burger after midnight.

The hardest part for me to accept is the middle-aged woman choosing the 63-year-old business man instead of the young doctor.

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