ASHLAND —
My favorite part of my job is meeting and talking to people who know a lot about things I don’t.
Couples who have been married since long before I was born are a particular favorite. They always list the number of years they have been together down to the month, and always do so with well-worn blissful smiles.
Being married for 30, 40, 50 or even 60 years is truly a rare accomplishment in today’s divorce-riddled society.
As a considerably younger married person, I always make a point to ask these couples what their secret is.
It’s not that I need marriage advice; I’m just curious about what’s made them succeed where so many others have failed for so many different reasons. Knowledge comes from experience, and these couples certainly have experience.
Someday I hope to be one of those couples. My husband and I will celebrate our fourth anniversary in two weeks and we are still very much newlyweds in the eyes of the elders whose advice I seek.
We talk often about the future and growing old together. Most often this includes laughing about what we’ll look and act like and imagining all the mischief we will be able to get away with just because we are “old.”
We talk more seriously about the advice I’ve gleaned from longtime married couples.
There are two themes that come up again and again: “You must always have a strong friendship” and “Marriage isn’t always easy; it can be hard work.”
The longer I am married, the more I can see why both of those things are important.
Carl and I make it a point to be conscious of both, and I like to think we've gotten off to a good start.
While he hasn’t always been my best friend, he undoubtedly is now. We are on the same page almost all the time, to the extent I joke I’ve perfected how to implant thoughts in his head.
We are well-matched in our beliefs, values and other interests, but we do have differences. These we debate often, and try to understand and adapt to lasting difference while always respecting them. We confide in one another and trust the other completely about everything from picking out a bottle of wine to pair with dinner to literally jumping off a bridge after the other.
While we have been incredibly blessed during our lives together, we know life can be and often is very hard and unpredictable. Therefore it seems reasonable to us that at times marriage would be too hard as a result of that. It makes sense that the person you are traveling through life with could become an easy target for one’s frustration, weakening the bond to the point it’s irreparable. We’ve seen it happen.
At some point in our four years, we began to treat our marriage like a team sport. We can only “win” by working together. Winning is fulfilling our marriage vows and the “game” is year-to-year life along the way.
On our Appalachian Trail hike during our second year of marriage, we even began calling ourselves Team Stambaugh. I even crafted a theme song set to the tune of “The Ants Go Marching.” And yes, I sang it at the top of my lungs on long days of climbing and descending mountains.
We still let out a cheer of “Go Team Stambaugh” and high-five before or after tackling tedious tasks such as dealing with a home maintenance disaster, loading the car for vacation or running errands.
It sounds corny, but it makes us smile and is an unspoken affirmation of our commitment to one another, a reminder we are in everything together for the long haul.
There is no me or him, there is just us. Together we fail or succeed.
Even as we celebrate four years of victories, we’re always revising our game plan.
CARRIE STAMBAUGH can be reached at cstambaugh@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2653.
Local News
CARRIE STAMBAUGH: Marriage can be like a team sport
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