SCOTT PARSONS: Dalton stole my heart on Sunday

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September 25, 2012

SCOTT PARSONS: Dalton stole my heart on Sunday

Staff Writer The Independent The Daily Independent Tue Sep 25, 2012, 06:00 AM EDT

ASHLAND — The universe can be a funny and cruel mistress. I'll explain.

As young man in my teens and through most of my 20s, I adored redheads.

I had a crush on a redhead in high school, but never asked her out and was a typical awkward teenager any time she was around.

When I was a freshman in college, my high school-teaching mother asked me if I'd be interested in taking a girl to the prom. When I asked what she looked like, my mom said he was a sweet girl with a great personality.

Now gentle reader, we all know what that means. Those are the exact words girls used to describe me to other girls — dazzling personality but dogs won't play with him.

Flash forward to sophomore year in college and I end up having a class with that girl mom tried to get me to take to prom. You guessed it: Redhead. Not just a redhead but a dazzling, beautiful and, pardon me being crass, smoking hot redhead.

My wife is a beautiful brunette with black natural curly hair, but when I met her, she had rich dark auburn hair. She denies ever having had that hair color, but she did. Trust me.

So what happened Sunday was really no surprise if you

believe in the principle of the universe having the power to come back and bite you in the butt.

You may or may not know that I had a wager with WRVC radio host Paul Swann. The bet involved the outcome of Sunday's Bengals-Redskins game. I'm a Redskins fan and, as you probably are aware, the Redskins lost.

To fulfill my end of losing this bet, I now proclaim my love for Bengals quarterback Andy Dalton. Thanks Universe. I used to want to profess my love for a redhead, but I never thought it would be for a redheaded quarterback of an NFL team.

But on Sunday, Dalton passed his way into my heart with a 19-for-27, 328-yard performance in the nation's capital.

His powerful right arm sliced the Washington secondary with the precision of a skilled surgeon. His leadership kept the Bengals calm when the Redskins rallied to tie the game in the third quarter. We should all be so lucky to have an Andy Dalton in our lives.

In August, Dalton boldly answered critics about his arm strength in an interview with Cincinnati.com. "My arm feels great,” he said, “and you can tell everybody that it's not even close to what I've got if I need it."

Well, Andy, this writer never questioned your arm strength because, until Sunday, I never really bothered to care. But now my friend, I stand in man-crush awe at the strength and precision of your passing. Phenomenal, my redheaded friend. Simply phenomenal.

Dalton, you blend athletic prowess with rugged good looks like no other before you. I'll bet your locker smells like leather, victory, confidence and diesel fuel. All these odors I associate with manliness and awesomeness. Both adjectives can be used to describe you.

The most interesting man in the world owns your jersey. The most interesting man in the world became that way by emulating Andy Dalton.

What I'm saying is, Andy Dalton, you are the man.

Congratulations to Paul Swann and all the Bengals fans out there. I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.

SCOTT PARSONS can be reached at (606) 326-2644 or sparsons@dailyindependent.com.

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